Last day of the year.

December 31, 2013

5:39am

The last day of the year.

Woke up 3am which is not very usual for me.

Went out to find some breakfast at the street because having breakfast at 7-Eleven always has been.

Well, 2013 is not the worst year. I'd say it is the most challenging year for me. This is the year when my former Boss and I planned to open up a Badminton Tournament in my former job. It was my first time to be an umpire and to design at trophy that event. This is the year that I'd say I've been a seriously bad-ass to retaliate to the church's music ministry chairman (Oh, don't worry he doesn't deserve any sympathy either). It was the time when I wrote a semi resignation letter including the proposal for me to train someone that can replace my former job position. It was also the rage-wakening year when my former Boss's wife raided my room and taken out their gadgets that they turned over to me without my knowledge (So to hell with her) they even took stuffs that they thought their own. This is the year when I finally found out how coward my old friend that turned into a total douche-bag (He was so rude in the internet yet too coward when I confronted him "alone").

Well, bad stuffs happen anytime. Nobody knows how bad it could be. Anyway it also gave me happiness when I finally got out of the cave when I decided to create a business plan which my partner Jojo Uy accepted. From a regular employee to a newbie businessman. Yup, I am today. It was just funny kinda whenever work in my shop and remember things that is related to my former life. Our business started August 2013. September, my Birthday month, I never even imagined that the girl the once a OJT in my former job will be my Birthday date (Oh yeah wow that was awkward) Her 5-year boyfriend broke up with her because of a third party, and yeah she needs some comforting. Haha I almost thought that date was actually for me. November was the first ever Warcraft DOTA Tournament in our internet cafe. November 2 was also my second life "Literally" because I was put into a life threatening game. I encountered a holdup but I managed to defend myself and steal the knife from him, got my neck wounded though but it is better that guy would kill me anyway. This month, December was our first Christmas Party although my partner is not around. It was fun too. And I almost forgot to mention that I'm with my old friend that turned to be my bestfriend now. It was him that led Andromeda Hacker's Den into a active-running Internet Cafe.

Yeah life goes on. So as many of us has no other choice but to ignore.

Even after so many epicly-failed dates. Still haven't been lucky finding a girl. Damn.

Do I have regrets?

Do I have regrets?.....

Sometimes those words whispers in my head especially when I'm alone...

I regret the wasted time being coward not to talk with girls in my high school days but hey, I'm an introvert and I can't help it. I can't change myself and not even able to put the blame for not being too energetic to talk to them. And whenever I got the chance, I emotionally passes out. Well topics are often boring and the conversation ends with awkwardness and keep asking myself (why do I have to say that?).

I was a most unlikely person in the room. I was the last one picked up and that could be because they have no more options or our teachers assigned it. And I remember one girl that chose to be my dance partner I can still remember her eyes being conscious and she looks at our other classmate's reaction to her for choosing me. And that was awkward too.

My life was kinda dumb which I hoped that I was just a robot. A machine that doesn't know or understand the meaning of pain and being unwanted person. My parents don't have much time for me. They didn't made me realize my importance for being a person. To my mom I was just her kid that is supposed to do responsibilities and my Dad didn't pretty much expects something from me. For them I was just another computer gaming addict and all I want to do is to skip meals. Skip resting at noon. And just wanted to play the whole day with my toys. I didn't got the right self esteem when I was a kid. It took me a lot of time to understand how to adjust being a person outside of our home. To my friends I was just part of the team waiting for nothing. But then when my father died. Many things have changed.

I become a lot more loner. I have to work in my friend's grandfather's garden so I could earn money and buy food for the family. My oldest sister haven't got a stable job at that time. It was so frustrating that my Mom don't have a clue what to do. I finished high school at least. And that was because of a easy-go-lucky life. Work for food or eat nothing.

I regret the times that passed not finding the girl of my life. Then I got a chance to meet this girl. Knowing a lot of possibilities that our relationship will not last. I gave my best. She made a mistake. I forgive her. But then I felt that she doesn't love me like the way it was. I felt so much bitter and I let her go. At first it was all the anger in my heart. I admit I still miss her sometimes but that was it. We cannot fix it. We were broken. I resigned from the company that employed me for almost 4 years. No back pay. Just a 13th month salary. And yeah that was awful. Now I am running this small business. A internet cafe, computer parts and repair shop in one. Looking back at the times the good and the bad makes me realize those importance that God let them happen. I regret myself not performing better in life. I regret the mistakes that I made. I know I have to prove my loyalty somehow.

I regret trusting and believing people that supposed to be there when I needed them because I tried my best to be there when they needed my help.

People can judge me based on my actions and decisions i make.

I regret for letting them know.

I was born being a loner and alone I will always be.....

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