Appropriation

Gazing again........

While I can hear the song "Maybe it's wrong to say please love me too" at Sister Emer's canteen.

Am I really loving someone that's in love with someone else?

If that's unfair, isn't it also unfair that my girl before has been owned by someone else?

I think that is not really love but appropriation.

Human nature in which is hard to avoid. That is also the reason there's the so called "war" between Android and iOS", the copyright issues.

That is also the reason there is ugliness and beauty.

It is already June 14, 14 days left before Boss Art comes back. I still haven't practiced tennis since June 3.

Its been useless, boring and nonsense days and sleepy mornings. Its the third time I go to work half-day this week. I've been very lazy. Its hard to sleep at night because of the many things that runs in my mind. Whether there's internet connection or not. 

I am also a prison worrying. Because of remembering so many things. I fail to start anything. I can't accomplish anything. Yesterday when I checked the poll of my bog, it is already more than 3000 views. Although no one messages or reply. Most of my blog entries is written in Tagalog. Love just ain't enough, It that love really? Or, do I still believe in it? The real love is about giving and understanding right? A mystery that only few can obtain. It also depends on how it is seen and also varies between different cultures.

Me? what should I choose? Or better question, who shall choose me? If someone tells me she loves me, could there be worth or could there surpass the worth of love that I once had?

How would I budget my time? which should I give full attention?

In myself? my lost family? to the beautiful girl that is almost perfect but uses me and only lets me expect? to the girl that hopes someday we will meet again? with a girl that is younger than me and knows less experience, knows less about life? to a beautiful girl that doesn't see it, doesn't care about it and only wants to enjoy sports which mostly played by men? In music?

Whom should I appropriate?

Whom should appropriate me?

The Escapist

I'm here now at Althea's rooftop. It feels good to view to roofs. It feels good to appreciate how big the City is even though its polluted. Its been always the office and my computer which my world goes round. I ascended using the steel bar ladder attached to the building. Sometimes it really like feels good to escape this world. Leave the sadness behind. Its good to hop the roofs by jumping. Its good to run. Leave the current situation.

But I know that won't be the solution to solve the problems. I've been bad in cyber-bullying. I also came to think of it, my words are too light compared to others. But what could they also do to me? Its still me and they never know who I really am.

Soaked with tears of joy and laughter.

It's been a while since my last blog entry. Here I am, tonight, while having coffee, chatting with someone which is the ex-girlfriend of my friend that somehow made me sad that they broke up. Because 2 months ago  when they are about the broke up, I gave advice to my friend that small things are not enough reason for them to separate specially when its just because of the what people says.

We fought a very exhausting badminton match with the agreement that if he lose, she will get back to that girl and make it up and I won. Today it looks like they both lose since they are both sad. I felt like their big brother because I give advises to them both. I also have been in a relationship which I thought was a really happy ending..... anyways. I gotta reply now to that girl's messages.

Humming Birds

Maraming nagsasabi at naguturo tungkol sa pagkakaroon ng pag asa. Nagkalat angmga inspirational quotes sa facebook. Madalas, nakkapag share din ako ng mga pananaw. Habang sinusulat ito ay may naririnig akong himig ng mga ibon sa abas ng bintana ng kwarto ko. Naaalala ko tuloy ang kanta ni Bob Marley na "Don't Worry". Mga ibon nga daw sa kanyang doorstep ang kumakanta nun. Ansarap isipin na halimbawa ay ganun din ang mensaheng mga ibon sa akin. Bihira na lang kasi ako makarinig nun dahil madalas tweet ng mga users sa tweeter ang nagging laman ng utak ko. Naglalaban sa isip ko kung magisimula ba akong mag kwento tungkol sa isang tao at tungkol sa aking karanasan o kaya nama'y pagmamasid sa kanino man. Pero iniisip ko ay baka mawalan ulet ng patutunguhan ang storya. Nakakapagod mag bigay ng pakakataon. Dahilsa ngayon, lahat ng nagdaan sa aking babae ay wala na. Nakatira ako sa mismong trabaho ko. Isang floor lang pagitan sa opisina. Ligo at pag inum ng kape na lang ang pagitan, pasok na.

Ang buhay ay para talagang nobela. Halo halong panahon at sitwasyon sa mga bagay na hinding hindi mo inaasahan. Madaling sabihin na laha ng ito ay ipasalamat sa Diyos at nararapat lang naman. Minsan mahirap lang maalala kapag may mga dumarating na mabibigat at para bang napakahirap lampasan. Yun naman ang naging dahilan ng paglayo ko kay God. Minsan nakakapag taka at ang hirap maunawaan kung ano ba talaga an plano sa akin ni God. Kahit kasi tinalikuran ko na ang pagsisislbi, heto pa rin at ako'y pinagpapala nya.

Nabubuhay ako ngayon, malayo sa pamilya ko. Isa na lang sa mga kaptid ko ang natitira kong naitturing kong kapatid. Nagttrabaho ako ara sa sarili kong surival, ng hindi ko alam kung anung magiging kinabukasan ko. Hindi ako pwedeng magpamilya ng ganito ang sitwasyon ko.

Tahimik akong tao. Pasumpong sumpong lang ang pagiging madaldal ko depende sa sitwasyon. Kaya ayaw kong magtrabaho sa sales field dahil hindi ko kayang mai-stable ang isip ko na mag concentrate sa social o public relations. kayang kaya ko lang naman mag react at mag comment sa social networks e pero sa tunay na buhay, kailangan kong manimbang muna sa paligid bago ako nakakapag salita ng may confidence.

Sa halo halong emosyon. Madalas kong hanapin sa sarili ko ay kung "Nagawa ko ba ng tama at naayon sa normal na paraan" ang mga bagay bagay. Number 1 frustration ko kapag nagiging awkward ako.

Sabi ulet ng hummingbird sa labas,

"Okay lang yan"

"Magiging okay ang lahat"....

:)

What the?

I am not glad from those girl which speaks too much vulgar like the other day someone chatted with me. While she is wanting to be noticed, I feel her emotional problem. Looks like she is thirsty for a guys attention. Even after I let her feel formality and respect in our conversation online I just looked like not "in" for being conservative for this generation. Which reminds me how I hated fraternities, drunkards, Jejemons and Basketball (because there are many temperamental and disrespectful local players like them).

Well if she really wanted being maniac, I know that I can do that too with just chatting. But I have no intention for her to do those. Yuckkkkk as in. She's not even pretty or attractive enough to turn me on. Plus, she's trying to be social while chatting with me using the words "duh"..... Oh my Gaaaaaad. I hate that word. Its like come on don't you get it? or something like "you're not making any sense" or worse totally has no respect to talk with. I just said, okay change topic.

She's trying to seduce her chatmate which I do not find sexy. It's more like She-being-the-low-profile. I don't want to talk to her anymore. So from that time I stopped replying.

Boss is really cool

I don't want to talk about her anymore. Furthermore now that my world is much at peace. There is no more to tell. Maybe because our story has ended. She is still hoping but after many years. She wants to be successful in life, me too. Last time I visited her profile, she become more daring in her pictures there. As in anybody could fantasize her. I don't know. Sometimes I blame myself. I don't want her to be like that even the fact that she seemed enjoying taking pictures of herself while being seductive. Yes seductive, as in her undies and limbs and angles of the cameras are the only ones covering the sensitive parts of her body.

Am I the one that messed her up? Or am I the one that set her free to do what she really wanted to for a long time, to be free? What could be her mother's reaction about it which was easily reacts just to see her sexy pictures?.....

She said in her notes: "For my the one that got away, someday we will meet again and that time maybe we could feel the same love that we once felt"....

I clicked the like button in that notes and commented, who would that be?
And now about me, there nothing new to talk about besides my stomachache which at least could make sense. I got Ginataan Halo-halo for snack here at sister Emer's canteen again. There are some people talking to each other around.

I remember the words that Boss Art said in our last devotional prayer, "Those mistakes that you made last year, forget them, let it go, it was done, and do not do it again"

Boss is really cool isn't it?

:)

As usual.

My foot is feeling cold again. I feel like there so many stories I missed to tell. As a matter of fact there really has many to tell.

First Brokenhearted I mean loveless again. I don't know. I'm also tired of feeling somebody likes me but I don't feel the same. Someone I like but its only benefits that they want from me. I always ask myself, "am I really ugly and is there really no one that I would like that could like me too?

If I will think about pursuing, it seemed to sound like being lost. Does it really have to be that we have to placate a girl for her to like me? In the end, I will still become the one who was left behind. I will ask myself again, "Is it really my curse to be alone?"

Ahm. Me and my younger sister celebrated the New Year together in my renting place in our company (I forgot to mention that I also have moved to new home).

As usual Im having coffee again here at sister Emer's canteen.

Which is different?

There are some people who's simple, who's happiness are just superficial. Those even with less effort  are glad enough and you could make them smile already. There are also some very sensitive which just with a little mistake with the words makes you enemies already. There are some people that always depends in the mood of their surrounding and they will only react whenever they felt the good vibes, safe to dive into a conversation. Some people are scared. Scared to be rejected whenever they try to open up a conversation "That's why some are sheepish people including me".

There are some people who has high requirements. Like the computer's high-spec motherboard and I am not compatible to them. Which reminds me of my dream girl. I was only inspired when she suggested that I should try. I don't know. Now she doesn't reply to nay of my messages. She said she was just busy...... I am happy even though its just like "this".

There are some very close to each other to the point that they do their bonding through their fists.  There are also some people who used to live an Easy-go-lucky. Meet and "greet". But what is the difference between people? If there is love and hate with the same person and relative to each other, isn't it being involved with each other remains? It really doesn't just basis in two situations and on how we want it to happen. For example that person that someone for a long time expected to be followed-back in twitter, only to find out that it was just a poser that uses that account and not her idol.

People knows how to love simply because we know how to hate.

I want to share stories.

I want to tell the stories of every changes and events of my life. I want to voice out the contents of my mind. I want to share and someday I will read my blog again and then realize how I have far I've become.

This morning, I woke up at 9:30 am. I am late again. A little hangover cause of my Boss's Birthday. As usual my alarm clock woke me up at 6:00 am. But its too early and I don't plan to play tennis a little while ago. Took a nap then woke up at 9:30 am tsktsktsk. So I just go to work half-day. Checked my news feed and notification in facebook and twitter. Just clicked some likes to the comments of the pictures i posted last night. Now, back to work. Time is 1:34 pm. Later.

Big Boss's Birthday :)

:) Happy ako tonight dahil naging masaya ang celebration namin ng Birthday ni Boss Art.

Unwanted

December 13, 2012 7:57pm

Andito ako ngayon sa hallway ng sm megamall sa tapat ng megatrade hbang hnhintay ang pinsan ko si Yhan kasama ang boss nya na namimili. Nag text xa kanina binabayadan na lang daw nila. Dapat nung isang gabi pa kami mag mmeet nitong pinsan ko kaso alanganin sa time at wla dn akong pera. Nag plan ako makipag kita sa pinsan ko dahil madami daw syang ikkwento. Broken hearted pa sya after makipag break. Ako naman broken hearted din dahil sa pangalawang pagkakataon broken ulet ang family ko. Parehas kami na kailangan ng makakausap. Kung parehas kming broke, anu kaya mangyayare?.....

Matagal ko nang gusto I abandon sila mama.. 3 years ago pinalayas nila ako sa bahay nila kapalit ng pagunawa ko sa nakababata kong kapatid laban sa asawa ng ate ko na canadian. Sino ang mag aakala na dahil sa isang foreigner masisira kaming magkakapatid?..... itong taon 2012, n try ko patawarin sila mama. Pro hindi ko alam, sa huli pala ay kami pa rin ang nagkasala. Hindi a rin nila inamin ang ginawa nila sa amin. Sa halip ang lahat ng sakit ay kanilang ni dedeny na lang.......

Iniisip ko ngayon..... 3 years ago. Sapat na ba?.....

Sa pangaoawang pagkakataon, sinaktan ako ng family ko sa pamamagitan ng pagtanggi sa akin sa pagtra sa kanila 1 week before ako lumipat sa kanila at napagkasunduan na at nagpaalam na ako sa kasera ko sa apartment.

Madali lang bang lumipat? Well lalo na sa mga taong walang diskarte at pera syempre napakahirap.....

Akala ko last year, 2011 na ang pnkamasaklap na taon n naranasan ko sa buhay ko.... hindi pala.


Mga alala na hindi ko rin gustong ibaon. Ayaw ko nang maalala. Sabi n iba ang Dyos nga daw nagpatawad, tao pa kaya? Mga taong hindi karapat dapat mapatawad. Ewan ko ba. Ngayon punong puno ng poot ang dibdib ko......