About this girl.

Life is more like indie film.

No one will ever know what happens next....

We keep our eye on the weather forecast...

And some people including me reads my daily horoscope.
I know I shouldn't believe in any of it. I know there could be consequences.

If you have read my previous blogs, you should have followed my story.

Good decision could lead to good results. It only hurts when realized the things that could have reconsidered.

I left her. I let her go too. and for almost a year of our breakup, I checked my old other email. There her name was. with her nude profile picture. It breaks my heart that she seemed to become girlfriend of anyone who sees her photos. It's like she's owned by everyone. There she was. The girl that I pursued for a year before we became "us". The former innocent sweet girl that I treated like my wife and baby girl. The one that I gave flowers for almost every month. The one that holds me and wants me. She not going back. But if we didn't broke up, our lives could be still in depression and frustration from responsibilities and conflict of interest and most of all, respect for each other. We're not the same lover like we were once.....

As soon as I saw she's online, I messaged her with simple hello. She replied "was-sup", the word she never used to me before.

Here I am now. At the church while writing this entry. Whit the Pastor preaching in his way. We all want to be good. I think everyone in this room does. Isn't it rough too to tell all of us are wrong? In the things not specifically mention but still heard. Sitting beside me are the kids. Isn't it harsh too that the message attacks us in a soft way? Well of course that is the reason we are here.

Our conversation became vain that she doesn't care. I was trying to open up things from the past just to atone things that I haven't said.

There's war happening. Inside this head of mine.

Should I go and let her be? Or should I still try to win her at least as a friend?......... Those questions aren't answered. My mind become more confused.

Her words are cold, of-course I couldn't blame her. I asked if she read the note I put inside her diary. She asked specifically which one. I said the notebook I gave her as Christmas present. She remembered the note. She remembered she read it a long time ago. But she doesn't remember what she felt about it. She just replied, she forgot.

I am her past. No matter how cold she become.

I somehow thought I would write this blog entry about this girl. Because about this girl some time in my life made made me happy.

About this girl, she's gone.